Grief: Learning to live again.
Grief is a universal human experience, profound and painful. It arises as the emotional response to a significant loss: the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, a serious illness, a significant life change, the conclusion of an important life stage, the loss of a job or a dream, among others. Although each person experiences grief in their own way, there are common processes that can help us understand it better and, most importantly, approach it compassionately.
What is grief?
Grief is a natural emotional adaptation process in response to loss. It is not an illness or a state that should be “gotten over” quickly. The journey involves intense emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, fear, and sometimes relief. Denying the pain of grief doesn’t make it go away; on the contrary, allowing ourselves to feel and express it is essential for integrating it into our lives.
The stages of grief
Although grief does not follow a strict pattern, psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross proposed a five-stage model that is still helpful today for understanding some of the emotions that may arise:
- Denial: It is difficult to accept the reality of the loss. In an attempt to soften the pain, denial sometimes gives us time to absorb what has happened.
- Anger: Feelings of rage or resentment emerge, directed at oneself, others, or fate. “Why me? This is unfair… it shouldn’t have happened to me,” etc.
- Bargaining: We seek ways to reverse the loss or fantasize about alternative scenarios (“If only I had done something differently…”).
- Depression: Upon realizing there is nothing that can undo what happened, and that the loss is final, deep emotional pain arises. Interest in the world fades, and life revolves around processing what was lost.
- Acceptance: Eventually, we reach a state in which we acknowledge the loss and slowly begin to live with it more integrated.
It’s important to remember that these stages are not linear: they can appear in a different order or repeat.
How to accompany the grieving process
- Accept the pain: There is no “right” way to feel. All emotions are valid.
- Seek support: Talking to trusted people or seeking help from a mental health professional can be very helpful.
- Care for the body: Getting enough sleep, eating well, and being active are fundamental acts of self-care.
- Create rituals: Honoring the loss can involve writing a letter, holding a symbolic ceremony, or keeping a meaningful object.
- Be patient: Grief has no set timeline. Each person needs their own pace.
A path of transformation
Grief, though painful, is also a process of transformation. As we go through it, we may find new meanings, revalue our relationships, discover inner strength, and deepen our capacity for empathy and love.
Grief does not erase the love for what was lost; instead, it teaches us to carry that love differently. Grieving does not mean forgetting. It means that what we once loved is no longer here, that we are no longer the same, but that within us still lies the capacity to love again, to reconnect with our desires, to search for something different, or to dare to create something new.
Let us remember: we are not alone in our pain. Allowing ourselves to feel, to ask for help, and to permit ourselves to integrate our losses into our life stories are acts of profound courage and self-love.
Though painful, grief is also a form of love—a love that seeks new ways to express itself when presence is no longer possible.